What Is Close Friendship?

"John 17:6-26

The friends and rivals

In politics, business or even in church life, two people who are great friends can at the same time end up competing for the same job. How should we handle the tension between our ambitions and our love for one another?

The story of the friendship of David and Jonathan is a remarkable one. They were rivals for the throne. They had every reason to be envious of each other and to hate each other. Yet Jonathan loved David ‘as he loved himself’ (20:17). This is the highest love one person can have for another. It is the type of love that Jesus commanded us to have when he said ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ (Matthew 22:39).

On the other hand, Saul was filled with jealousy. Jealousy has the power to deprive someone temporarily of their senses. When Jonathan points out to his father, Saul, that David has not wronged him and has benefited him greatly and it would be quite wrong to kill an innocent man like David, Saul says, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death’ (1 Samuel 19:6).

Logic and reasonable argument may convince a person who is filled with jealousy at the time. However, jealousy is so evil and so powerful that once it gets a grip of a person, as it did with Saul, there is no stopping it. As Shakespeare put it in Othello, ‘It is the green-ey’d monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.’

Jealousy starts with comparing ourselves to others – comparing our achievements with those around us. It can be jealousy of those who are very close to us – as it was here between Saul and his own son-in-law.

Throughout this passage we see David and Jonathan’s love for each other. Jonathan ‘was very fond of David’ (v.1) and he ‘spoke well of David’ (v.4). Jonathan even said to David, ‘Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you’ (20:4.). What a great commitment to make to a friend! Their commitment to each other took the form of a ‘covenant’ (v.16), which included even their descendants (v.42). And Jonathan ‘made David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself’ (vv.16–17).

As a result, Saul’s jealousy flared up into anger: ‘Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan’ (v.30). Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David (v.33) and he ‘got up from the table in fierce anger’ (v.34).

The difference between Saul’s anger and Jonathan’s anger was that Saul’s was unfounded and produced by jealousy. Jonathan’s anger was righteous anger that stemmed from his love for David; ‘He was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David’ (v.34). Anger is not always wrong – but we must examine our motives carefully.
David and Jonathan were not ashamed of showing their affection for each other; ‘Then they kissed each other and wept together’ (v.41). As Westerners we often regard crying as unmanly. They had no shame in crying openly and showing their love for each other. This is a powerful model of friendship, love and unity. Marriage is one of God’s answers to loneliness. Close friendship is another.

It was this love and friendship that enabled Jonathan to be totally loyal, supportive and protective in spite of the fact that he was a rival candidate to the throne.

Lord, help us to be willing and able to love our friends and neighbours as ourselves. May there be close friendships in the church like that of David and Jonathan. May people find the answer to loneliness in the love, affection and unity of church community."

1. Thank You for close friends. Thank You for these gifts.

2. Thank You for blessing a friend with generous heart.

3. Thank You, likewise, for a very good unexpected entertainment through Ant-man!

4. Thank You for little kids who are so innocent and adorable, which reminds me of going back to the state of having a pure heart like them.