"How to Respond to Conflict"

"A springbok – from which South Africa’s rugby team gets its nickname – is a gazelle-like antelope. Normally they are very alert to predators. However, the BBC’s Wildlife on One programme showed a different side. They filmed two springboks fighting in the Kalahari Desert. As they became absorbed in the fight, they were less alert and more vulnerable to a lion prowling around them, waiting for his opportunity to attack.

It struck me as a picture of the church. When, in the church, we fight one another, we become very vulnerable to attack. ‘The devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour’ (1 Peter 5:8).

When God calls you to follow him, he does not call you to a life of ease. Life on earth involves many battles, in all of which God promises you victory through Jesus Christ. There is never going to be a moment in your earthly life when everything is perfect. There are always going to be challenges, difficulties and problems to solve. However, there are times when these intensify and we seem to be coming under attack.

Martin Luther King said that the ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in ‘moments of convenience’, but where they stand in ‘moments of challenge, moments of great crisis and controversy’. How should you respond to conflict?

Proverbs 13:10-19

Persevere through disappointment

The writer of Proverbs contrasts the wise (‘wisdom is found in those who take advice’ (v.10b)) and fools (‘fools detest turning from evil’ (v.19b)). It is not surprising that we experience conflict. In particular, in this passage we see two examples:

Quarrels

‘Pride only breeds quarrels’ (v.10a). One of the most draining experiences of life is quarrelling – whether in a marriage, among friends, with colleagues or in the church. Here we see that one of the causes of quarrels can be pride. If you are willing to admit your mistakes and wrongs with humility, you can avoid a lot of quarrels.

‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick’ (v.12a). Or as the message puts it, ‘unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick’ (v.12a, MSG).

Another key is listening carefully to one another: ‘Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel’ (v.10, MSG).

Disappointments

This is another kind of attack that is sickening. When a vision we have had for something is held up or our plans are delayed because of some attack or let down, disappointment makes the heart sick. We do battle with our own plans and our circumstances.

On the other hand, there is nothing more satisfying than persevering and seeing some part of your vision fulfilled: ‘A longing fulfilled is a tree of life’ (v.12a). ‘A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul’ (v.19a).

In the midst of all the attacks of life there are moments of great joy, fulfilment and satisfaction. The writer of Hebrews says, ‘Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus … who for the joy set before him endured the cross … Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so you will not grow weary and lose heart’ (Hebrews 12:1–3).

Lord, thank you for the times when I see ‘a longing fulfilled’. Thank you that these moments are sweet to the soul and a tree of life. Give me wisdom to avoid pride that leads to quarrels and to turn from evil. Help me to run the race with perseverance with my eyes fixed on Jesus."

1. Your Word is always refreshing, thank You, Lord. Give me wisdom and perseverance. Amen.

2. Hosting people around is probably my ministry here. Thank You, Lord, for giving opportunities like this.

3. Thank You for seasons in life that I get to learn a lot of things about myself and others.