Rejoice! Rejoice!
It was a promise I made to write out the testimony we all have experienced with my mom. It is now very close to a year after she died and it all still remains fresh in my memory how she was used by God as an instrument for us as a family. It was the saddest but at the same time the greatest thing that ever happened to us. Especially to my Dad. It was more of rejoicing than sadness. Praise God!
Dad would never stop exclaiming to everybody "I've found it! I've found it!"
Let me tell you how it all happened.
When the Big C disease lands to one of our loved ones, it is as if we see death already coming in the near future. Mom was not exempted in that kind of reaction. But on the onset of the disease, she was already a fighter. A really tough fighter all the way through - very disciplined in all her intakes and activities. She also gained strength from fellow people who are stricken with the same disease in her every visit to the doctor. This was her support group and it made her so relieved to know that she was not alone. Yes, she was never alone.
Big C has become very common nowadays, so common so that it felt like it's just a kind of flu spreading around.
Just a week after her birthday on January 16, 2007, her belly bloated like she was 5 months pregnant. She could not eat because she could not feel any hunger. That was when she was rushed for an emergency operation on that Sunday, when doctors do not usually conduct surgeries. But hers was a really urgent case. It could not wait.
Her biopsy confirmed Ovarian Cancer, stage 3-C.
Like any other Big C patient, she underwent series of Chemotherapy sessions and her first year of battle went great. She felt normal again although she lost a few pounds. We were all confident and full of hope that she will win the C-cell combat.
People thought that when a person is stricken with cancer, that person becomes very less able in doing day-to-day activities. My mom deviated from that kind of thinking. I did not believe in that as well. She behaved as if there were no C-cells in her system. She wanted everyone to think she was not sick at all. She did not want anyone to know about her case even if people started to whisper around asking for details. For her, the last thing she wanted was people pitying on her. Very strong.
On the bright side of it, we were likewise benefiting from all the type of meals she was instructed to take - more veggies, more liquids, less meat, less sugar, more organic foods, etc. We were taking in healthier meals with her and she appreciated that so much. Meanwhile, Dad was Mom's hero. He always prepared and cooked her customized meals. But as a mom, she would keep telling us "prepare anything you like, I can handle it." She really insisted that we do not make her a reason for us to change what we used to do or eat or drink. She wanted us to enjoy everything because at some point, she felt like we were deprived of some things because of her. Selfless.
Year after year, she kept losing weight. But her outlook in life never shifted. Her aura was full of positivity and strong will. Even people who saw her wondered if she was really sick because she does not look like one. However, when she started to lose her hair, she stayed at home most of the time and waited until her hair grew back. Sometimes before, she went out to buy some groceries or to fetch my sister making sure she wore either a wig or a bonnet. The good thing about having new set of hair is that it felt like that of a baby's! So soft and smooth!
Year 2008 was when she gradually came to know Christ. The more she was stronger to face the battle knowing there was so much hope in Him. I believe that as her sickness was progressing, God was preparing her to what matters the most.
It made me happy to see the look of hunger for Word in her face. She was getting all the energy she needed from God. I remember her always reminding us of James 1:19 whenever we try to complain or be mad about something instead of being grateful for everything: "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry (NLT)."
You see, a cancer patient's ONLY wish is to be healed. So that should make us think what else do we have to complain about?
Then another round of Chemotherapy sessions in 2008. At the start of the year, we decided to have a family portrait taken in a studio. She was super excited about it. I had the photo converted to a large cross-stitch pattern along with their engagement photo from 1977. She crafted the photos for a couple of years and they were hung at home a few days before she joined the Lord. She was still able to enjoy her masterpieces. Priceless!
Came in 2009. There was a request of a 3rd round of Chemo sessions. This time, she was not really sure if her body could handle it but as usual, her spirit was strong. Her veins became so thin that even skilled medical representatives had a hard time finding them. In the end, she gave it a chance. Hopeful.
Dad remained very supportive in all her ordeals. He was always beside her. He has defined what love is to all of us.
By April of 2010, I was tasked to report in New Jersey for 3 months. At the same time, her doctor has diagnosed the 3rd recurrence of C-cells in her body. Mom was already firm of her decision not to continue with the treatment. Knowing that I was leaving for a quarter, they tried to hide it from me. They did not want me to worry while I was away. But well, I had bionic ears and so I knew of it but pretended I had no idea.
After they sent me to the airport, while waiting for my gate to open, I texted them admitting that I was aware of the situation.
When I came back by June, I saw a different person just as I entered my home in Manila. The same set of strong-willed eyes but Mom was skin and bones. She gave all the energy she had to come and meet me in Manila before traveling 6 hours back to Baguio. I knew then that perhaps God has in His plans that Mom would join Him in 2010. The fear that we may not be able to celebrate Christmas with her set into me. My heart sank and I embraced her quickly with a smile, pretending not to notice any change in her physical package. Before my teardrops fell, I excused myself and cried in the bathroom. I just had to cry.
On August, she had tubes in her stomach that drained out the water created by the C-cells. She requested that she be discharged from the hospital since she felt she'd be more comfortable at home.
And true enough, she became better. She never failed to talk to Dad about her wishes and plans everytime they were alone. While her body was deteriorating that she had to stay in bed most of the time, her spirit was rising. Her last 2 weeks were the most significant weeks of our lives.
At the end of September, she finally decided to open her doors to our relatives with the help of my brother Don's convincing. Dad likewise never gave up in talking her into it ever since her condition started to get worse.
And this sparked the start of a beautiful ending.
Mom asked Dad to let them all come to our home so she can ask for forgiveness. One by one, my aunts and uncles came to see her, not wasting any time, praying for her and laughing with her. It was the most amazing moments I have ever seen. Mom's face was full of joy and she felt super light for surrendering it all to God. Our home was filled with warmth, laughter, compassion, and love. Praise God! I started to feel assurance then and my fears slowly faded. I knew God was in full control.
We celebrated thanksgiving on her last Saturday for the mini reunions we have been having for 2 weeks since Mom opened her doors. We had the Sunday celebration at home as well so she can join us in hearing God's message. We saw that in spite of all the pain and suffering, she managed to keep a smiling face. It did not occur to any of us that she was ready because things were just beginning to be alright. What we know for sure was that she was happy, free from all of the burden.
That night after the service, excruciating pain started to attack her body. She was not able to sleep, thus, it required painkillers from her doctor. Thankfully, the pills helped her catch some sleep the following days. My uncle lent us a wheelchair and mom was able to enjoy the sunlight on Monday along with the cool breeze and fresh scent of pine trees in our backyard.
She desired that her cross-stitch masterpieces be framed and be hung on the wall. Surely, no minute was wasted on that, she saw her creations up on the wall during her last Saturday and again, we saw that precious smile painted all over her.
The next day, she chose to just see the sunlight from our dining area window. My dad saw her close her eyes for a while before heading back to her room. For Dad, he knew it could be any time because he had seen this with his uncle before.
October 13 at 8 AM, my brother Dan and I were joking with her. She laughed with us while she sat on her bed. At 10 AM, she said she was ready to sleep. When Dad came home from buying Mom her needs, he already noticed her yellowish color. Dad admitted to us later that he was scared and he did not know what to do.
He gathered us for a fast lunch that day and we still did not know about what Dad was thinking or feeling. We ate lunch like any normal day while Dad was agitated. By noon, he started trying to wake up Mom. We all ran to her side hoping to see her talk to us for the last time. But to no avail.
"May Your will be done" was my continuous prayer while we watched her go.
However, her response was more than words. After her last deep breath, she left a sweet smile for all of us to see, assuring us that she was on her way to the greatest place ever and there was no need to worry or be sad. I'd say that was what startled my Dad and at the same time, gave him peace in his heart. It was really her time to go.
God did not only leave a smile on her face, her color has not changed as though she was just sleeping since she reiterated to my Dad that she did not want any needles pricked into her body. Moreover, she was still soft up until the day she was buried 3 days later. And we thank God for these messages.
When I looked at her, she seemed to have brighten up as God took her in His arms. Mom was not healed physically, but we were all healed emotionally and spiritually. Everyone was reunited through her. Praise God!
At this point, Dad had not yet found what he was looking for. But he knew that Mom's wish not to follow any traditional rituals had something to do with what God had done to her.
My aunt invited us to come to church on the first Sunday of November. Slowly, God opened Dad's eyes to the truth. Dad began to understand what kept Mom from giving up and where she was pulling all her strength. Little by little, Dad was finding answers to his questions through the Encounter God Retreat and with this, he received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. He now realized the importance of God's Word through the Bible.
Gradually, Dad is submitting his life to God. And up to this day, he kept on expressing that it is hard to explain the happiness God is continually giving in his heart. It made me cry to see him ever so happy in his life. He even said that at his age, he is 61, it is only now that he has found what he was looking for. Thus, his statement "I've found it! I've found it!" with his arms stretching to the skies! But he is also very thankful to realize that it is never too late for anyone to know Jesus Christ and be renewed. Hopeful...like my mom.
Dad has changed so much since then. He has quit smoking last April which he was doing for more than 30 years. Praise God! It is one of his greatest testimonies on how God has totally changed him. No withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. He just believed in the power of God. Moreover, he stands 5'5" and yet he weighed 98 pounds during the trying times. But now, he weighs 120 pounds! No need for weight boosters. Praise God again! His aura has shifted from night to day.
We continue to learn as a family what God wills for us, what are God's promises for us, what God needs from us, why things happen the way they do, what really matters in this life, what kind of riches we should hold on to, and so many more! Now, I sound like a marketer. =) We can't stop from sharing the great things God keeps doing in our lives!
Most importantly, we have found our purposes in life and the things that make us happy in spite of the problems that come to us. God has greatly helped us change our perspectives. We need to keep clinging on to the Lord through His Word for guidance and strength since we cannot do these on our own. Along with these is the fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ. Praise God!
Dad has accepted the fact that God had to take my Mom away from him before any of these can happen to us. Thus, we have found joy even if Mom has to depart from us so we can say it was still a blessing. Others may say that our mom is gone permanently in this world but I'd like to see it on a different light. This is temporary. Life here is temporary. And we all hold to the truth that we will one day see each other with the Lord in paradise, which is permanent.
The scripture "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." in Philippians 1:21 made a lot of sense to us now. God made a way for us to see that death is not a bad thing after all since it means meeting with God face-to-face. That was why we can still rejoice over it.
I would also like to admit that I have doubted the Lord when I did not believe He can change Dad. I thought that it was hopeless for my Dad to know the Lord because he was so religious in following the old ways, more like he had closed doors. Nevertheless, His ways and His thoughts are higher than my ways and my thoughts. Therefore, I was wrong - big time. God proved me wrong! God wanted to correct me and reminded me I need to trust Him in all His plans.
With God, nothing is really, really impossible! Amen!
To God be the Glory!!! =) God Bless you all!
